Thursday, February 15, 2018

I'm so tired, you guys.

And, for the first time in awhile, I don't just mean the mental exhaustion of existing in the U.S. right now.

I mean, there's that, too, but also other stuff.

The weather has warmed up in D.C. -- granted, it never really got all that cold to begin with. It snowed two or three times, maybe (which, ever since living in draught-stricken California for a bit, makes me nervous) and we had at least two days of over 60°F temperatures.

This means two things:


  1. It is more humid than Satan's foggy taint.
  2. It is rainy.
I've mentioned that intracranial hypertension responds weirdly to weather patterns before, so it's probably unsurprising that I've been hovering between "My brain is malfunctioning, let's sleep all day!" hypersomnia and "I would drill a hole in my own skull if it would actually let me sleep" painsomnia. The odd little tricks I use to control my pain still work for me, and some days I'm convinced that they're the only things that're keeping me from an emergency lumbar puncture or risky pain management. 

Pye and Kiko seem to get that I'm not feeling well, too -- they sort of hover around me, with Kittybear flopping himself down next to me, grumbling, and changing positions until I acknowledge him and let him wear my hand as a hat, and Sweetbean giving me half-lidded stares and purring directly into my nasal passages. 



The only problem is, she seems to have very definite Opinions about when and how I am allowed to sleep. Every night, at about 3-4 in the morning, I get the same thing: little pink beans patting me on the cheeks and forehead. If I open my eyes, the same sight greets me: a little, squinchy, loudly-purring cat face. If I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep, the patting starts again. In a studio, keeping her out of the bedroom isn't an option. So, unfortunately, she always gets rewarded by waking me up and slowly driving me (more) insane.

So, to recap: I want to sleep all of the time. I can't, because my spine often feels like a squished tube of toothpaste. When I can, Kiko decides that this situation is not optimal, and it would be much better if I were petting a cat instead. (Specifically, her.)

It has made it hard to write, or do much of anything else. I've managed to eke out some paid writing, but, by the time I'm done with that, all I want to do is take a nap. (I also wrote a really, really weirdly hot scene of someone having knives thrown at them, but that is something for another day.) I've also done some painting, which I'm grateful for -- I always feel like I'm not accomplishing anything when I can't. 

I have another project in the works that I'm pretty excited about, which I've mentioned before. It's about a month out still, so I don't want to provide too many details... I'm just very frustrated that I haven't been able to put much work toward it lately. 

I hate complaining about rain because we need it, but it's really cramping my style. Hopefully the weather lets up soon, or I'm able to acclimate to it! 



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